by Leona Moon
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Have you recently taken on meditating, Aries? Originally it may have been to reduce the risk of developing an ulcer from the voice of that annoying co-worker, but think big-scale now. On March 20—with the solar eclipse in Pisces—you will be bursting with creativity. You might end up multitasking while meditating, and landing on some million-dollar ideas.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Did someone say new friends, Taurus? Don’t mind if you do! You’re about to feel a little extra social on March 22. Not that your current group of friends doesn’t give the Breakfast Club a run for their money, but it’s time for a little branching out. There’s only so much Mario Kart you can play before you realize that there are other things in life. Find a new hobby and new friends.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) Are all of your awards just collecting dust, Gemini? Cut some coupons and invest in some Swiffer pads on March 21—you’ll be receiving another acknowledgment of success to add to your collection. That’s right—your boss finally realized that you’re his or her leading star. An Employee of the Month plaque never looked so good sitting next to your vintage wrestling trophies.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Trying to get a green card, Cancer? Or, maybe, you’re trying to acquire dual citizenship—either way, expect an international influence to take center stage on March 23. Do you have a friend flying in from overseas, or business to attend to? Whatever your concern has been, you’ll notice that forceful winds of change will bring progress.
LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22) Show you the money, Leo! It would appear that you’ve got money on the mind. The solar eclipse on March 20 will bring some major benefits to your income sector. We’re talking luxury toilet paper, extra shots of espresso in your morning cup o’ joe, maybe even a purebred cat—you name it, you can buy it! Buy yourself a gift as a reward for all of your fiscally conscious behavior.
VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) First comes love, then comes what, Virgo? Surprise—you’re getting married! The solar eclipse on March 20 will highlight your relationship with your partner. There’s nothing negative going on here—leave all of the fights about losing your socks in the laundry and accidentally buying half & half instead of 2 percent milk at the door. Wedded bliss is nigh!
LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) If you dream it, you can achieve it, Libra! Yep, even those sculpted abs and those chiseled buttocks. Let’s not lie—you’ve let yourself go. Living next door to a convenience store can do that to you—it’s not called “convenient” for nothing. Toss the M&M pancakes out the door and trade ’em in for some egg whites on March 24.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) No pressure, Scorpio, but it’s now or never. You’re overdue to find your one true love, and it’s looking like March 20 might bring you a special delivery—whether you’re ready for it or not. It could be an old flame or it could be the neighbor you always see at the mailbox. Look for love around every turn—you never know what fine piece of cosmic-serious-soul-mate ass is waiting around the corner!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Did your toilet overflow, Sagittarius? Well, if it hasn’t already, consider this a warning. Use the facilities with caution, if you know what I mean, when your significant other is over on March 20—the term “troubled water” will have a whole new meaning.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Are you getting sued, Capricorn? That really does suck—there’s no piece of celestial advice I can offer that will alleviate a situation that will send Judge Judy packing. The good news: You’ll reach an agreement after March 25. Channel your practical side for best results.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Did you sell your soul, Aquarius? Well, it must have been something big because cash is headed your way! Maybe you found that vintage Mickey Mouse dial-up phone that your mom stashed in the attic, or the Tickle Me Elmo that your family stored away to pay for your college someday. Whatever it is—good find!
PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) Whoa, Pisces. You’ve got a new moon solar eclipse in your sign on March 20 that has your name all over it. What does this mean, watery one? It means—no matter what anyone tells you—that you’re right. If you want it, go after it—you’re feeling confident and secure for the first time in awhile. It’s well-deserved—go raise hell and chase what you want!