by Leona Moon
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Time to think on your toes, Aries! You’re going to have to make a quick decision that bears the weight of a killer whale itself! It’s never easy deciding if your relationship was meant to be, or meant to be on Jerry Springer. And, this time around, you’ve got a 24-hour window to make moves come April 5.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Feeling more like a candy dish full of Hot Tamales than a hottie with a body lately, Taurus? Binging on jumbo-sized Goldfish and Lagunitas IPA will do that to the best of us. The stars are here to help you get your groove back, thanks to the eclipse in Libra on April 4. You’ll be lookin’ good in no time.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) Should you stay or should you go, Gemini? A full moon in Libra, fellow air sign, ruling your house of relationships will force you to either fully accept or fully reject your partner. Does your significant other nag you too much about the toilet seat, or is his or her growing number of cats putting a damper on your feelings lately? Stay or go on April 6—with or without the cats!
CANCER (June 21 – July 22) It’s time for some homemade cookin’, Cancer! Can’t seem to fight a hankering for Mom’s chicken parm and artichoke dip? It’s what the doctor ordered. Sometimes the best medicine arrives in the form of family. Offer to help a relative on April 8, and you might be surprised who ends up feeling more resolved, cool and collected.
LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22) New in town, Leo? It appears that you’re the new neighbor on the block—and you’re overdue for a block party. Curious if that guy living in the apartment under you is an ex-con, or former circus performer? It never hurts to ask. Make some neighborly friends on April 3—a pineapple lime jello salad always helps with ice breakers.
VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) You’re on overdrive, Virgo! You let your worries about the finances take over your calendar. It’s never easy working seven days a week, so here’s the game plan: Relax. If you’re doing what you love and have a roof over your head, take the time to be thankful that you’re not contracting scurvy from binging on Top Ramen, and give yourself a break!
LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) Is someone calling your name, Libra? Oh, it’s just the hoard of fans camped outside of your window. The full moon in your sign on April 4 will have you attracting everything you want and more. Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” was clearly written about you. Be careful what you manifest and attract to yourself—it’ll happen, alright.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) Hunting for a job, Scorpio? Well, get ready for it because Craigslist is coming to you on April 8! Jupiter turns direct in your tenth house of professional achievements, and you won’t have excuses for much longer! Enjoy those daytime talk shows while you can—you’ll be working overtime in no time!
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Daydreaming about Coachella, Sagittarius? There’s no need to be worried—who doesn’t have festival fever right now? You’re celestially predisposed to take a trip ASAP. If you don’t have a destination in mind, try spinning a globe and seeing where your finger lands. Madagascar is supposed to be wonderful (from what we’ve seen on Naked and Afraid).
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Did you accidentally meet the CEO of your dreams at Papa Murphy’s Take ‘n’ Bake, Capricorn? Don’t be too surprised—it happens. Pizza gets the best of us, and tends to be the ultimate peacemaker in the end. Moral of the story: Big things are happening for you with the April 4 eclipse. Your name and reputation are about to get exponential street cred.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Free at last, Aquarius? Something might have had you feeling more like you’ve spent the past few weeks in solitary confinement than living your life. Understandable—you’ve been busy and things stack up. On April 4, your shackles are coming off, and you’ll be free as a bird yet again. Fly, air sign, fly!
PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) Are you calling it quits, Pisces? Don’t blame yourself or your partner—divorce is in the air. You might find yourself splitting up assets and estates on April 3. Just make sure to read the fine print if you want your partner’s antique, porcelain china and retro love seat.