by Leona Moon
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Trying to hit the road, Aries? If you’re OK with flat tires and side-swipes, then go for it. Saturn is opposing the Sun on May 22, and will bring with it a handful of traveling hellfire. It’s best to stay off the road—ask your boss if you can work from home.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Finally going to get your wisdom teeth removed, Taurus? This weekend might not be the best time to channel a chipmunk. Looks like any health procedures that you’ve been putting off—the non-life-threatening ones, of course—won’t be going your way. If you go in for wisdom teeth removal, the dentist might end up sharpening your canines. And the vampire fetish is so 2008.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) Take a hike, Gemini! No, literally, try hitchhiking. A short trip has your name all over it this weekend, and on May 23 you might find your perfect travel buddy on the side of 101 South. Download a background check app before you hop in the back of anyone’s 1979 Chevy—yes, there’s an app for that.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Skipping town, Cancer? You’re overdue for a little luxury. Head up to Calistoga for a mud bath on May 24—there’s nothing like a spa day to remind you of how hard you’ve been working. Soak it up and sink down into that pile of mud for a little R & R and necessary reflecting.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22) Head on down to couple’s therapy, Leo. You like to keep the avocados and bread in the fridge and your partner always leaves them on the counter—a recipe for disaster (literally). You two have got to get on the same page. Saturn will oppose the Sun, your ruling star, on May 22, so watch out for nagging. You’re likely to be sent over the edge.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) Rethinking your professional career, Virgo? Sure, being a professional dog walker sounds great on paper, but think of all of the piles of work that you’ll be picking up. You’re craving a little more leisure with your work on May 22, but weigh all of the pros and cons before making a decision.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) Put the pen down, Libra! Signing papers will be the end of you on May 23. There’s no need to rush to cut a deal on a car loan, refinancing or new health insurance. Take your time to investigate a few other avenues before committing to the easiest one that landed in your mailbox.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) Don’t add that extra shot to your latte or upgrade your gasoline on May 22, Scorpio. Finances are tight, and you’re going to need to cut all the corners you can. Sure, that taco truck from across the street may be calling your name at lunchtime, but wise up and bring that can of tuna and microwaveable oatmeal to work for lunch.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Don’t Tinder on May 22, Sagittarius! You’ll accidently swipe away Prince or Princess Charming! Any move you make when it comes to a potential lover will be the wrong one. It’s best to avoid your flame altogether. Just say that your phone died, or that you forgot to pay your phone bill.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Is that ankle acting up again, Capricorn? Take care of yourself! On May 23 it looks like an old injury will flare up. If you have plans to hike the Dipsea or stroll down the Sausalito shoreline, think again. Ditch the outdoors—park yourself on the couch and grab a bag of frozen peas.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Not the time to add any extra pressure, Aquarius. If you’re wanting a definite yay or nay out of your beloved, May 24 isn’t the day to demand it. No one likes to hear, “Put a ring on it” first thing after the alarm goes off. So maybe wait a day or two and figure out how to tactfully propose that it’s time to pop the question.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20) Your kid might be sick, but your quarter review is also scheduled on May 22, Pisces! The stars will make you pick and choose between work and family. It’s not always as easy of a choice as it sounds—especially when your kid ate the rest of the Goldfish and left the cap to the salt unscrewed.