Week of March 22–March 28
ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Do you have green eyes, Aries? No, this isn’t a sly attempt at hitting on you. It looks like jealously is in the air as of March 23. The green-eyed monster has you focusing on everyone else’s accomplishments but your own. Quit it. It’s a waste of your time. Write a list of things you’re proud of—you might actually wind up being shocked by how much you’ve actually made 2018 your bitch.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Love’s about to get a whole lot sweeter, Taurus. Sweeter than a handful of Peeps on Easter morning. Why’s that? Venus and Uranus are syncing up on March 23 to deliver a romantic surprise. This is a time to leave your analytical brain at the door. Your intuition will lead you in the right direction. So, take a chance—follow that hottie from the gas station to his or her house (in the non-creepiest way possible). By this time next year you might be saying, “Hello, soulmate!”
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) Holy crap, Gemini, this is a tough one to deliver. Mercury, your ruling planet, goes retrograde in Aries on March 22. What’s the best way to survive this planetary hiccup? Think before you speak. I know. I might as well tell you to start planning your life out a week in advance and commit to showing up to work on time every day. Impossible. But your best bet for not getting fired, or ending up the wrong side of an argument: Zip it. Pause. Edit. Repeat.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Speak up, Cancer! You’ve typically been one to hold back on expressing yourself during the staff meetings, but Venus and Uranus are pairing up on March 28 to make you the apple of your CEO’s eyes. You’ve got ideas, and although you’re shy, that doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve to be heard. Make yourself known as an innovator and speak up during your next one-on-one with your boss. Even if your voice shakes.
LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22) You’re hard to tame, Leo—this is news to no one. But on March 24 the Sun squares off with Mars, leaving you feeling a little, er, aggressive. You’ve never been one to hold back on sharing how you really feel, and while I (and your therapist) would probably encourage you to continue with this courageous behavior, it’s best to pick your battles wisely. You can deliver the message with tact—no need to up the ante for theatrical purposes.
VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) What’s weighing you down, Virgo? I’ll take Ex-Bae for $500. If only it were as easy as a Jeopardy match, but this is some real shit you’ve still got to process. When Mercury retrogrades on March 22 you’ll find yourself going down the rabbit hole of repressed emotions. This is heavy stuff; make sure you take time for yourself. Also, realistically, no one’s going to want to hang out with you if every other word out of your mouth has to do with your ex. Reflect, buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, release, repeat.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22) Pluto’s here to take names this month, Libra! On March 28 expect a whole lot of surprises with bae. Venus and Uranus team up to deliver shocking change and unexpected revelations. Could it be that you’re not emotionally fulfilled in your current relationship? Maybe. But it could also be a time to explore complex issues, bubbling under the surface. An uncomfortable conversation could lead to a refreshing new start.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21) Word to the wise, Scorpio—if you don’t want to meet up with friends after work, then just say so! It’s going to be a million times worse if you come up with a half-assed excuse for canceling at the last minute and your squad finds out than if you’re just upfront. You’re typically direct, but with Mercury retrograde on March 22, messages will be muddled in transit. Honesty is the best policy, even if that means Netflix over happy hour.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21) Who just slid into your DMs, Sagittarius? Your ex! That’s right, it’s our favorite time of year again, Mercury goes retrograde on March 22. And with this celestial slowdown comes news from past lovers far and wide. You’re always down for an adventure, and what’s more adventurous than seeing if you’ve still got admirers. Meeting up with an ex should go in your favor. Even a make out, sure, but just be clear on the other party’s expectations. Your irresistible charm might leave him or her craving more.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19) Prepare to think deep, Capricorn. You? Serious? An effortless fit—and this Mercury retrograde you’ll be reflecting on your subconscious self: your past, how it has informed the person you are now, and what you actually want out of life. Prepare for some ah-hah moments. Maybe you actually can’t blame all of your current woes on daddy issues. Either way: Know that you’re in charge now, and use this celestial support to chart a new path.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Practice your surprised face, Aquarius! Head’s up: When romantic Venus and game-changer Uranus meet in powerhouse Aries on March 28, you’re not going to know which way to look. News is headed your way in every direction, and saying that it will be unexpected is the understatement of the century, well, at least of the month. Is your boss finally resigning? Probably—and can you even imagine a day in the office without having to pretend that you actually like looking at pictures of your boss’ cats? A miracle from above indeed.
PISCES (Feb. 19 – March 20) How many times do I have to tell you, Pisces! Put all of your tips in the bank! Guess what’s sneaking up on you: All of your recent and poor financial decisions. Just because you have the money in the bank doesn’t mean you should buy everything you’ve ever wanted. Good things come to those who wait—enjoy your Top Ramen diet for the next few weeks through retrograde season!